Recently, I’ve been able to answer some major questions about what the hell is going on in the world. The answer is ugly. But in actually knowing, we now have a chance to do something about it.
The world operates on just three real things: power, money, and networks. Everything you see, everything you perceive or think you believe is an artifact of the interplay of those forces. Ideology and parties slide around on top of networks, and let us tell stories to ourselves that justify how we interact with networks and power.
People are wired differently. Some people think other people are inherently evil and greedy and that but for laws and force, we would live in mayhem. Others think people are inherently good. Some have suffered trauma that informs their perceptions. This will always be true; there will always be people that come predisposed to certain outlooks. It’s just part of our OS.
Gold is weird. There is only so much of it here on earth. Well, we can “make” more of it. But it’s sort of a pain. Maybe not worth the trouble. But if I have a bar of gold, that’s a bar of gold no one else has. It’s mine; yours is yours. This seems to fulfill some deep sense of justice for some folks. I just see two bars of metal. But that’s me.
Because I’m not getting off on the gold thing and just see metal bars, some folks think that makes me a thief. “Don’t you see? What’s mine is mine?,” they say. I’m like “You seem really into this.” And they say, “good luck with your commie ideology.” Wut?
So this beef goes back aways, before I arrived, I’m told. Turns out people were wound up about this for centuries. Ok, people, weird flex, but I get it. And it turns out it’s been a whole thing. Apparently charging interest for loans of gold really gets people upset. Some thing about a merchant in Venice? Seems to go back a really long time. Idk.
Anyway turns out there was this whole group of people obsessed with gold bars in the 1930’s and they plotted to force FDR to keep basing the country’s money on gold, because he was like, “I can’t fix the country with gold, my dudes. I need fat stacks of cash.” They were not pleased. They plotted to maybe kill him, but got stopped because the General they thought would do it was like, “Nah brah, turns out I’m not even that into capitalism.” Oy vey. Gnashing of teeth at General Motors, indeed.
Some of these folks went on to get even sneakier and started a group called the John Birch Society. I like that. Society… makes it sound… upscale. They hung out with writers from Russia like Ayn Rand and used fancy words like “objectivism.” Man… sounds important, right? Though somehow a lot of people kinda got bored with her stuff after they turned 18. But I digress…
The Society crowd realized they could advance their cause by recruiting people like them and who also really hated communism. And with good reason. Lots of bad stuff happening in the world. Stalin? Bad guy. Mao? Also, kind of a bad guy. Kim Il-Sung? Not a great guy. Hitler? Wait, before we answer, how does he feel about gold?
So they did this whole thing where they kinda did what they wanted and infiltrated places like the CIA and totally overthrew leaders that might have been leaning a bit left and replaced them with people who were, let’s say, more into gold. Whew, that was close!
But then Congress be like, “uh, you should have told us first because like that’s not cool and now we are totally gonna hear about it and not get re-elected and like wtf CIA? And why do you keep talking about gold.” So Congress grounded CIA and was like, “you’re not allowed to assassinate anyone! and yes, even if they aren’t into gold!”
So they called up their friends and were like “you would totally not believe what Congress just did to me… this sucks. Dude I have an idea, let’s keep doing what we were doing but like YOU do it and I will stay locked in my bedroom. Congress has like no idea what I’m even doing.” Bricks of cocaine, gold, weird shit started flowing around around all this, and what do you know? The Society crowd is running this whole thing from their bedroom using just a phone and Congress has like no idea what’s up.
Then this idiot Hasenfus has to get shot down in Nicaragua and the newspaper was like care to comment? and the president was like “it wasn’t me,” and they asked the CIA and they were like “nah,” and then this guy Ltc. North seems to be at the center of it with this General Singlaub guy (who btw is really into gold.)
So there is a whole TV show that got done on this that was like live everyday for like ever in 1987 and it finally got canceled because the ratings started to tank and it had jumped the shark anyway. So the cast got to go home because this lawyer Barr gets them pardons and everybody was bored with it anyway, and Saddam Hussein, what’s up with that stache?
The gold crew was relieved they didn’t really get caught and then this crazy thing happened! Like, the main communist country? Toast! Just… done. Just like that. Damn it feels good to be an anti-communist! But wait… the other one… it’s still happening. Do you think China might try to take our gold? Fuck, let’s not risk it.
Suddenly, Russia seemed to get where the gold folks were coming from. Because a lot of stuff is like gold… diamonds, aluminum, silver, uranium, etc. This could be the basis of a very good friendship. And you know what else is good? Jesus. (Russians: “sure… yeah, Jesus. Big Jesus fans here.”) So a beautiful marriage was conceived. (Totally not gay, btw, not that there is anything wrong with that. Except in Russia…)
You know what sucks, though? Democrats. They have always been a little pink, if you know what I mean. Remember Nam? Jane Fonda? Let’s say they weren’t exactly helping with the war. And weren’t they also running Congress when they put the clamp on CIA’s nuts? Not cool, Dems. #neverforget
What if there was some way to fix ALL of this? Get back on top. Russia has a Church, Greece has a Church, Rome has a Church. We have Churches. Remember? Jesus. He’s got this for us. He might even come back!
Jesus sent them a gold-plated plan: let’s join forces and git ‘er done. We are gonna need some snappy slogans (the crew in St. Petersburg is testing some messages, brb) and folks to say them. Need some folks with, what is it? gravitas? Guys in uniform, awesome. Ok, getting closer. Enemy? Dems obvs, but she is a woman, too? Lol awesome this will be easy.
Bwahaha you have to be kidding me that fucking worked? Omg. Now what? This guy is kind of a train wreck, but he is not gonna get in the way of the gold train. Just ride it out. But to be sure let’s get the population behind us. Pretend to tell them a secret on… 8chan? That’s your big move? Wait, it’s working? This is too easy.
Yo I heard there were some germs and they seem to be coming this way. Maybe a problem? Trust the plan? Ok. Roger. Sir… these germs seem… disruptive? Malaria drug? UV light? Bleach? Ok. Got it. Um, the election looks like it could be messy. Voter fraud. Perfect, will let the team know.
Well, this really doesn’t look good does it. I know we had pulled together the digital army for the rallies and to just be obnoxious but what if we could use them to like, I don’t know, just overturn the election? Take out their guys, put in our guys. Could work. Let’s do it. For the gold!
Oof, we need that lawyer Barr guy again to do some pardons on account of all the criming. Ok, that’s solved… can we get everyone on the same page here? Russia? Weird Catholic trads? Team Jesus? UFO stans? Gold lovers in the hizzouse? Nazis? (Wait I’m not supposed to say that? Oh, Um, Proud Boys, Three Percenters, not to be confused with the two percenters who are milk fetishists, Oath Keepers, Boogaloos… don’t ask.)
Everyone? Prepare for our playlist of total world domination: Gloria (voices in your head?), YMCA 🤔, In the Air Tonight (dark?), Phantom of the Opera 🤤, and… wait for it, TINY DANCER. Y’all mothafuckas are going DOWN! FOR THE CHILDREN… FOR THE GOLD!
I think everyone was pretty surprised when this very meticulous planning failed to achieve the clearly stated goal of… what was the clearly stated goal again? Oh right, gold.
All I can say is… people are weird. Sometimes I wish gold had never even been invented. Like it’s good for some electronics applications I guess but otherwise that Yelp review is gonna read “way overrated, I don’t know why everyone talks about it so much.” Zero stars.
People get off on the weirdest things. I hear now that the gold crew has its eye on crypto. I think I like that better. It literally doesn’t even exist. It’s just numbers stored on computers. Can you imagine getting wound up about that? I guess we have to keep score. So we know who’s winning. Wait, you’re not a communist are you?
I think most folks aren’t. They just want their lives not to suck. Get help when they’re sick, have enough to eat, go on some trips, get rewarded for hard work and good ideas. BUT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT MY NEW NFTs?
(NFTs are non-fungible tokens, the product of an unholy marriage between crypto and the art world.)
Will this ever end? Unlikely. And January 6th wasn’t only about gold. There were other motivating factors. But gold has been animating this network for a very long time, and that’s not likely to end soon — even if it morphs into cryptocurrency, which has similar characteristics.
For meticulously detailed research supporting this essay, connecting January 6th, the Council for National Policy, QAnon, a schism in the Catholic church, disaffected military-intel persons, and more, please see this document, which is a work in progress. We need to change the narrative about how this story is told. You can help. Please share!
